


Just Give Me a Reason

by mochacherie



Series: Head Over Heels (Remus Lupin/OC series) [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Drama & Romance, F/M, Jealousy, Love, Love/Hate, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24926041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochacherie/pseuds/mochacherie
Summary: "So that's what it was? I was just someone for you to pass time with? A hussy to warm your bed when you came back from your werewolf missions," gone were her tears- now replaced with fury.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Character(s), Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Head Over Heels (Remus Lupin/OC series) [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781635
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	Just Give Me a Reason

"What happened here? Where is she?" Remus stood in front of her room looking like the downright mess he felt. The one dresser and cupboard were thrown open and bare. All their contents had been emptied. There was no sign of life in the room.

"She's gone," Sirius' reply was cold. He leaned against the wall, a drink in his hand simply daring Remus to ask more.

"What do you mean gone?"

"I mean, congrats mate. You did it," Sirius raised his glass to Remus mockingly and took a sip.

"What the fuck Sirius?"

"DON'T' YOU DARE WHAT THE FUCK ME REMUS," in an instant, Sirius abandoned his drink letting the glass shatter on the floor. He pinned Remus against the corridor wall in anger with a forceful thud that shook the few pictures that hung on the wall. His hand was just itching to grab his wand in his back pocket and hex Remus on the spot.

Remus softened his gaze. Sirius could now see his bloodshot eyes, the results of when Remus drank a little too much. Sirius didn't have the will to say anything else. There was nothing he could say to possibly make him feel worse. He could see the guilt in his friend's face.

"Well. I hope you're happy now," he released the werewolf from his grasp and walked off resigned.

_**A Few Days Ago** _

"Aww, I can't believe, it's almost time!" Emma beamed. She and Fleur walked back inside the Burrow following a very heavy Sunday brunch. Death Eater attacks were increasing but Molly had insisted on monthly get-togethers for everyone in the Order and the immediate Weasley clan barring the two still at Hogwarts. The perfect May weather had been ideal for an outdoor setting, which is what Fleur and Bill were also planning for their pending nuptials soon.

"Please. _Eet_ _eez_ three months away," Fleur said walking up to the sink place the dirty dishes, remnants of their scrumptious meal. With a flick of her wand, she had the dishes washing themselves.

"Yes, but I bet you these will be the fastest 3 months of your life. It will be August 1st before you know it. And soon enough we will see tiny Bills and Fleurs running about as well," Emma giggled at the thought of tiny Fleurs running around the house with their noses up in the air telling people off.

" _Alors!_ Bill wants just _ze_ one. But I've been trying to talk him into two for when _ze_ time comes for us," Fleur said. "Well, I'm sure you can be convincing when you want to," she winked at the bride-to-be who just grinned in response and moved on to wiping the dishes now.

"And _'at_ about you? Don't think we haven't all noticed you and Remus making _zem_ moon eyes at each other," Fleur snorted at her own joke. Emma just rolled her eyes trying to hide the blush at the thought of little boys with _his_ sandy hair wreaking havoc.

ϟ

Sometime after the two women headed back, talk about drinks had risen. Remus had offered to grab them from inside and had followed the two ladies back in. "Oh..I'm not sure. We've never had that discussion exactly...although I've tried to casually discern his stance on that," he heard Emma's voice as he paused at the back door for a second. He saw her standing against the counter while Fleur did the dishes. Emma in her light blue sundress smiling nervously.

"I mean we've said our _I love yous,_ it couldn't have bee a more perfect moment. Very Remus indeed," Emma fidgeted with the straps of her dress mindlessly. A small smile crept on her face. A smile also tugging on Remus' face was, he was a little curious about their topic.

"Well in _zat_ case, I _theenk_ it is no time before your little ones are coming along too. Especially from how I ' _ear_ you going at it like _zem_ bunnies you say in _Anglais? N'est pas?_ " Fleur playfully nudged Emma who went bright red when Fleur spelled it out more clearly. "No! I mean err- probably not for a few years at the very least. I think I'll hold off that until the war is over. It's all too soon" she rushed the words, although her voice trailed off towards the end.

Oh.

Kids.

With a grimace, he stood there listening to their hushed conversation. Voice caught in his throat it was too late to alert them of his presence now. And as the sinking feeling in his stomach grew, he didn't think he wanted to.

Kids. He was sure Emma would be a great mother one day. She was perfect that way. She was smart and she knew how to handle the things that mattered. Similarly, growing up in the care of Lyall and Hope Lupin had left Remus with nothing short of love and affection either. But how could he knowingly risk passing on what he had? There were very few cases of people like him having children. Although none of the few who did had _it_ passed on. He always thought what if he was the first one who did? The guilt alone had made him hesitant to pursue anything long term.

All this time he had been fine with nameless women Sirius helped him pick up in bars. Then one day Emma had just shown up and he had had said fuck it. Because for once, both Moony and his heart wanted the same thing- her. She had made him forget. But now he was scared once more. He had the woman of his dreams. She was his and she had always made it clear. It swelled his heart to know that.

However...

How could he put her through that?

Brooding in silence, he walked back to the table. "Couldn't find the drinks mate?" Sirius' voice broke him out of his trance. Looking up to questioning eyes he mumbled something about nothing feeling well and excused himself once more to leave the party. He saw Emma walk back outside still laughing with Fleur.

 _It's probably for the best_ , he thought. It's not like this was going to end with them singing kumbaya no matter how much he had deluded himself the past few months. Remus hated himself for ever having felt otherwise.

ϟ

"I don't understand. Where is this coming from?" Emma thought that after their conversation following the Burrow brunch, Remus had come around to the idea of at least considering it. It being kids.

"It's- I- I can't give you what you want Emma," he sounded so defeated. As if he had rehearsed this line in his head too many times already. She felt the feeling of dread she had been carrying around for the past few days grow tenfold.

"And you think that you know what I want?" tears were welling in her eyes and he hated what he was going to do. But these tears were a small price to pay for a future where she thrived better- a future without him.

"I know enough to see that you picture a future with kids- a family"

"Don't lie to me! I know you want that just as much I do. You said you'd consider," frustration and tears were never a good combination on her.

"Yes. But you're missing the point" he paced around the empty drawing-room. The house was empty except for them. "As long as you're with me you can never have that. Not in its true essence. You would be marked by this. Marked by the stigma of being with someone like _me_. Nor would I ever want to put you through that. You deserve someone whole." It pained him to say that. She belonged with him.

"Not this again Remus. I'm fucking tired of having this conversation. I said it once the other day after the Burrow and I'm saying this no- now" her voice broke as tears now streamed down her face.

"Besides" she paused to hiccup. She looked at him with pleading eyes, "St. Mungos has reported at least six children with lycanthropic ancestry in the last ten years. And none of them-"

"It's still a risk! What part of no don't you understand!" he spat with vehemence.

"You didn't even consider it did you? You lied to me. And you're ready to end this? For something you have no basis for. Despite the fact that we actually have favourable proof for it?"

"Yes"

"So that's what it was? I was just someone for you to pass time with? A hussy to warm your bed when you came back from your underground werewolf missions," gone were her tears- now replaced with fury.

Never in a thousand years would Remus think that about her. He loved her too much to put her through any more misery. He was doing this _for_ her. But if getting her to loathe him is how he had to accomplish it, then that's what he would do. He would do anything for her. Including risking her hatred. It took him all his strength to say that one word.

"Y-yes," he said quietly refusing to meet her gaze. He was afraid that he'd break the moment he looked into her eyes. Break and fall on his knees. Kiss her feet, kiss her face, kiss her anywhere and everywhere to make her pain go away. Beg her to take him back already for being an idiot.

For Emma, his refusal to look her directly while he shattered her heart told her all she needed to know. Something she had once hoped wasn't true- that no one wanted her beyond some light fun. Without a word, because she was afraid she'd lose all sense of pride and beg him to not do this to her, she turned and walked away.

She would've run. Run far away if she could've. She could only go to her room for now and pack her bags. But then the thought occurred to her- Wizarding War or not she wasn't staying here. She still couldn't go back to her flat in London, but she'd beg Molly and Arthur at the Burrow if she had to. She would beg Albus Dumbledore at the gates of Hogwarts if she had to. But she wasn't staying here another day.

She threw all her clothes in her bags and went to levitate her other personal belongings. But it wouldn't shut close. In the last (almost) year or so, she had gathered too many items and knick-knacks. She had made this place her home. Trying to manually slam the bag shut now she picked it up and threw it across the room in frustration and fell on the bed.

Tears streamed down her face now as she lay on her back. She'd do anything to have a time-turner and go back to the moment she saw those Death Eaters in Knockturn Alley. She can't believe she did it again. Only to be left out in the dust once more like the fool she was always taken for.

She heard the front door open with Sirius and Tonks returning. "Remus hun are you okay?" Tonks asked. She heard a soft grunt but couldn't exactly make out what Remus had said. She then heard Tonks lead Remus back up to his room fussing over his state, their footsteps passed by her room without stopping, "Don't worry, I'll make you feel better.." she heard.

Her heart skipped a beat as she waited for Remus' response which never came. A few seconds later she heard the door close. Emma was holding her breath for a few moments until she realised that it had been a while and she hadn't heard Tonks' footsteps going back down.

She had her answer.

Yes. Dueling those Death Eaters would have been less painful than whatever this was.


End file.
